The Amazon People Are Coming
@ 2009-10-03 23:00:11
Filed under: Personal Comedy
A few weeks ago my mom got really sick and went to the ICU. During her recovery in the ICU she was given ambien so that she would go to sleep. Ambien is known for having some weird side effects and those of us visiting my mother found out how intense they could be first hand.
The players
- Judy Milner (aka Mom)
- Steve Milner (aka Me) - Son
- Rachel Milner - Daughter
- Ashton - One of Rachel's Sons (aka babies)
- Rayel - One of Rachel's Sons (aka babies)
- Jim - Mom's farmer friend
- Amazon People - People from the Amazon
The following is a paraphrased (but highly accurate) conversation that took place between my mother and myself around 3am sometime last week.
Mom: no ... no. NO!
....
Mom: I told you! I told you I can't swim. Well ... they can.
....
Mom: They are going to get Rachel! Hide her babies!
Me: What?
Mom: I told them I can't swim. I accidentally told them you and Rachel can. And her babies. They will take them away
Me: Who is going to take Ashton and Ryel away?
Mom: The amazon people!
Mom: You need to warn her! Hide her babies!
Me: They will be fine mom. Get some sleep.
Mom: No, they will be taken away! You need to warn her!
Me: Go back to bed, mom.
Mom: Listen to me. They will take her babies ...
Me: I've already hidden them. They are safe. Just get some rest.
Mom: You did?
Me: Yes. Everything is OK. Go to sleep so you can heal.
Mom: OK.
...
Mom: Did you tell Jim?
Me: About what?
Mom: You didn't tell Jim about the Amazon people?
Me: No, the babies are hidden remember?
Mom: They will find them! I told them they could swim!
Me: Go back to sleep mom.
Mom: Please, just fax Jim!
Me: Jim is asleep. I'll tell him later OK?
Mom: He needs to know. You need to fax him.
Me: Rachel's babies are fine. I hid them. They are safe. Go to sleep.
Mom: You have to fax Jim. He can protect Rachel's babies.
Mom: Do you hear me? Are you there?
Me: Yeah. Mom, you took something to help you sleep. You just need to go to bed.
Mom: (laughing) I know it sounds crazy, but it's true! You have to fax Jim.
Me: (pondering if it's crazy enough to be true, like something from Lost) Can I bring you through this in a logical fashion?
Mom: OK, but you have to fax Jim as soon as you can.
Me: You are worried because there are people from the Amazon who know that Ashton and Ryel can swim ...
Mom: Yes. I didn't mean to tell them ...
Me: Right, and they are going to come and get Rayel and Ashton, so you want me to fax Jim ASAP?
Mom: Yes! They are coming now!
Me: How are they getting here?
Mom: By boat. There are a lot of them.
Me: Ma, that doesn't make sense.
Mom: Trust me! You have to fax Jim now.
Me: So, they are coming by boat? Do you know how far that is for them to travel?
Me: That will take forever for them to get here. I think you can get some sleep and we can think about it more in the morning.
Mom: They are coming in boats.
Me: It's OK, it will still take a long time. Go to sleep.
Mom: There are a lot of them in the boats.
Me: Get some rest. We will talk about a plan in the morning.
Mom: They will be here by then.
Me: (trying not to laugh) What kind of boats are they in?
Mom: Row boats. There are a lot of them.
Me: That will take even longer. Weeks or months. Go to bed mom.
Mom: But we need to tell Jim!
Me: Can I put this on my blog so other people know about them coming?
Mom: Yes.
....
Mom: Did you fax Jim?
Me: No, go to sleep.
Mom: You need to fax him!
Me: I'll do one better, get some sleep now and I'll make a personal plea to President Obama himself.
Mom: OK (goes to sleep)
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Filed under: Personal Comedy
A few weeks ago my mom got really sick and went to the ICU. During her recovery in the ICU she was given ambien so that she would go to sleep. Ambien is known for having some weird side effects and those of us visiting my mother found out how intense they could be first hand.
The players
- Judy Milner (aka Mom)
- Steve Milner (aka Me) - Son
- Rachel Milner - Daughter
- Ashton - One of Rachel's Sons (aka babies)
- Rayel - One of Rachel's Sons (aka babies)
- Jim - Mom's farmer friend
- Amazon People - People from the Amazon
The following is a paraphrased (but highly accurate) conversation that took place between my mother and myself around 3am sometime last week.
Mom: no ... no. NO!
....
Mom: I told you! I told you I can't swim. Well ... they can.
....
Mom: They are going to get Rachel! Hide her babies!
Me: What?
Mom: I told them I can't swim. I accidentally told them you and Rachel can. And her babies. They will take them away
Me: Who is going to take Ashton and Ryel away?
Mom: The amazon people!
Mom: You need to warn her! Hide her babies!
Me: They will be fine mom. Get some sleep.
Mom: No, they will be taken away! You need to warn her!
Me: Go back to bed, mom.
Mom: Listen to me. They will take her babies ...
Me: I've already hidden them. They are safe. Just get some rest.
Mom: You did?
Me: Yes. Everything is OK. Go to sleep so you can heal.
Mom: OK.
...
Mom: Did you tell Jim?
Me: About what?
Mom: You didn't tell Jim about the Amazon people?
Me: No, the babies are hidden remember?
Mom: They will find them! I told them they could swim!
Me: Go back to sleep mom.
Mom: Please, just fax Jim!
Me: Jim is asleep. I'll tell him later OK?
Mom: He needs to know. You need to fax him.
Me: Rachel's babies are fine. I hid them. They are safe. Go to sleep.
Mom: You have to fax Jim. He can protect Rachel's babies.
Mom: Do you hear me? Are you there?
Me: Yeah. Mom, you took something to help you sleep. You just need to go to bed.
Mom: (laughing) I know it sounds crazy, but it's true! You have to fax Jim.
Me: (pondering if it's crazy enough to be true, like something from Lost) Can I bring you through this in a logical fashion?
Mom: OK, but you have to fax Jim as soon as you can.
Me: You are worried because there are people from the Amazon who know that Ashton and Ryel can swim ...
Mom: Yes. I didn't mean to tell them ...
Me: Right, and they are going to come and get Rayel and Ashton, so you want me to fax Jim ASAP?
Mom: Yes! They are coming now!
Me: How are they getting here?
Mom: By boat. There are a lot of them.
Me: Ma, that doesn't make sense.
Mom: Trust me! You have to fax Jim now.
Me: So, they are coming by boat? Do you know how far that is for them to travel?
Me: That will take forever for them to get here. I think you can get some sleep and we can think about it more in the morning.
Mom: They are coming in boats.
Me: It's OK, it will still take a long time. Go to sleep.
Mom: There are a lot of them in the boats.
Me: Get some rest. We will talk about a plan in the morning.
Mom: They will be here by then.
Me: (trying not to laugh) What kind of boats are they in?
Mom: Row boats. There are a lot of them.
Me: That will take even longer. Weeks or months. Go to bed mom.
Mom: But we need to tell Jim!
Me: Can I put this on my blog so other people know about them coming?
Mom: Yes.
....
Mom: Did you fax Jim?
Me: No, go to sleep.
Mom: You need to fax him!
Me: I'll do one better, get some sleep now and I'll make a personal plea to President Obama himself.
Mom: OK (goes to sleep)
digg it
seed it
del.icio.us
ma.gnolia
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