My Best Friend Tsar
@ 2008-05-07 17:24:54
Filed under: Personal
This morning I got a call from the VSH letting me know Tsar was not doing very well. He had a rough night, didn't eat and continued to bleed. I left work and headed up to the hospital so that I could visit Tsar and find out what we needed to do.
I sat in the ICU next to Tsar, just outside of his cage where he was hooked up to an intravenous line. He came out and wagged his tail happy to see me. He also seemed to be trying to show me that he wasn't getting better. I sat and pet him for a good 10 minutes. For a short bit I had to do some paperwork, but then I was back in the ICU with him petting him.
He was very tired. When he moved it was deliberate and wasted little effort. He watched other dogs in their cages, the nurses and myself. The left side of his neck was shaved from the radiation therapy and I could see bruising and blood catching on his neck, side, and in other places. Even with this obvious discomfort he stayed stoic. There are a bit more paper work to do so I went back to finish it off.
And for one last time I came back and stayed with Tsar. I told him it was OK, and that he didn't need to hold on for me. He looked at me and wagged his tail. I told him I loved him.
At 3:37PM EST/EDT I got a call from the doctor letting me know that Tsar's condition had deteriorated. While the doctor talked I was already getting ready to head up. He let me know Tsar went into cardiac arrest and wanted to know if he should be resuscitated. I asked him if he thought that is the right thing to do .... and he said he didn't believe resuscitation was the right thing to do. Resuscitation would bring him to the same point of discomfort and the same problem would more then likely happen again.
I came up as fast as I could without getting into an accident. When I arrived the doctor let me know that Tsar had passed. I wanted to get up there so I could be with him while he passed but I didn't make it in time. I believe he passed at 3:39PM EST/EDT so there was no physical way I could have been there that fast. I went with the doctor to see Tsar one last time. He was laying on the table, peacefully with his eyes slightly open. He had a blanket pulled up half way up his body. I cried most of the time I was up there. When I saw Tsar I closed his eyes and petted him. I thought about all the things that I could have done better and tried to remind myself I did the best I could. I said to the doctor, more so for validation, that we had done everything we possibly could. He agreed. He had told me earlier that Tsar was lucky to have an owner like me who spent the time, money and love to try to help him. It was very important to me to hear that.
The doctor let me know I could have as long as I needed there with Tsar but I couldn't stay. Tsar's body was there but he was not. I just wanted to see his physical form one last time. The lady from radiology made a paw print and gave it to me. She came in the room I waited in afterwards to let me know that she really took a liking to Tsar, as did a lot of the other staff. She said he was nice, loving, intelligent and sweet. The ladies at the front desk told me that as well on their own separately.
I asked for him to be cremated.
I came home and cried for about 30-45 minutes strait. I'm still crying while I write this. On multiple occasions I almost passed out due to either getting to much or not enough oxygen. I took a few minutes and picked up his beds and most belongings I could find right away and put them together. Then I called my Mom and Sister and let them know. My Mom didn't cry on the phone but I'm sure she did. Like me, she is very emotional and close with animals. My sister cried almost right away. She asked if she could have one of Tsar's toys and I said yes.
For some people it's hard to understand how it can be so hard to loose a pet. Most of my life was spent moving from state to state the only thing being the same was my family including pets. My first best friend was Higgens who came from Michigan to Texas to Florida with me. Tsar came from Florida to North Carolina with me. He was my only family in the state.
My sister brought him home when he was a puppy to see if we could keep him. The family he was born into didn't have much money and could not keep the puppies. Tsar fit in my hand and looked at me with one brown and one blue eye. I was so depressed then and he made me happy. I took him places and showed him to friends. My sister told me recently that when he was smaller, and I wasn't around, she use to take him places in her backpack so he could meet people and go places as a puppy. When we got him he had parasites due to the living conditions he was in. If we wouldn't have adopted him he wouldn't have lived as long as he did.
Tsar was about 8 when he died. That equates to 45 dog years. He was the closest friend I have ever had and I still love him.
You can find pictures of him at http://www.flickr.com/photos/stevemilner/sets/72157600465020245/.
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Filed under: Personal
This morning I got a call from the VSH letting me know Tsar was not doing very well. He had a rough night, didn't eat and continued to bleed. I left work and headed up to the hospital so that I could visit Tsar and find out what we needed to do.
I sat in the ICU next to Tsar, just outside of his cage where he was hooked up to an intravenous line. He came out and wagged his tail happy to see me. He also seemed to be trying to show me that he wasn't getting better. I sat and pet him for a good 10 minutes. For a short bit I had to do some paperwork, but then I was back in the ICU with him petting him.
He was very tired. When he moved it was deliberate and wasted little effort. He watched other dogs in their cages, the nurses and myself. The left side of his neck was shaved from the radiation therapy and I could see bruising and blood catching on his neck, side, and in other places. Even with this obvious discomfort he stayed stoic. There are a bit more paper work to do so I went back to finish it off.
And for one last time I came back and stayed with Tsar. I told him it was OK, and that he didn't need to hold on for me. He looked at me and wagged his tail. I told him I loved him.
At 3:37PM EST/EDT I got a call from the doctor letting me know that Tsar's condition had deteriorated. While the doctor talked I was already getting ready to head up. He let me know Tsar went into cardiac arrest and wanted to know if he should be resuscitated. I asked him if he thought that is the right thing to do .... and he said he didn't believe resuscitation was the right thing to do. Resuscitation would bring him to the same point of discomfort and the same problem would more then likely happen again.
I came up as fast as I could without getting into an accident. When I arrived the doctor let me know that Tsar had passed. I wanted to get up there so I could be with him while he passed but I didn't make it in time. I believe he passed at 3:39PM EST/EDT so there was no physical way I could have been there that fast. I went with the doctor to see Tsar one last time. He was laying on the table, peacefully with his eyes slightly open. He had a blanket pulled up half way up his body. I cried most of the time I was up there. When I saw Tsar I closed his eyes and petted him. I thought about all the things that I could have done better and tried to remind myself I did the best I could. I said to the doctor, more so for validation, that we had done everything we possibly could. He agreed. He had told me earlier that Tsar was lucky to have an owner like me who spent the time, money and love to try to help him. It was very important to me to hear that.
The doctor let me know I could have as long as I needed there with Tsar but I couldn't stay. Tsar's body was there but he was not. I just wanted to see his physical form one last time. The lady from radiology made a paw print and gave it to me. She came in the room I waited in afterwards to let me know that she really took a liking to Tsar, as did a lot of the other staff. She said he was nice, loving, intelligent and sweet. The ladies at the front desk told me that as well on their own separately.
I asked for him to be cremated.
I came home and cried for about 30-45 minutes strait. I'm still crying while I write this. On multiple occasions I almost passed out due to either getting to much or not enough oxygen. I took a few minutes and picked up his beds and most belongings I could find right away and put them together. Then I called my Mom and Sister and let them know. My Mom didn't cry on the phone but I'm sure she did. Like me, she is very emotional and close with animals. My sister cried almost right away. She asked if she could have one of Tsar's toys and I said yes.
For some people it's hard to understand how it can be so hard to loose a pet. Most of my life was spent moving from state to state the only thing being the same was my family including pets. My first best friend was Higgens who came from Michigan to Texas to Florida with me. Tsar came from Florida to North Carolina with me. He was my only family in the state.
My sister brought him home when he was a puppy to see if we could keep him. The family he was born into didn't have much money and could not keep the puppies. Tsar fit in my hand and looked at me with one brown and one blue eye. I was so depressed then and he made me happy. I took him places and showed him to friends. My sister told me recently that when he was smaller, and I wasn't around, she use to take him places in her backpack so he could meet people and go places as a puppy. When we got him he had parasites due to the living conditions he was in. If we wouldn't have adopted him he wouldn't have lived as long as he did.
Tsar was about 8 when he died. That equates to 45 dog years. He was the closest friend I have ever had and I still love him.
You can find pictures of him at http://www.flickr.com/photos/stevemilner/sets/72157600465020245/.
digg it
seed it
del.icio.us
ma.gnolia
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